Ways to Combat College Loneliness

Solutions for Loneliness – Feel More Empowered

by Dr. Christina Z. Atti, PsyD—Licensed Clinical Psychologist

It’s not new information that college students are entering college with the highest rates of mental health issues in history. Loneliness and issues related to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse are plaguing our students at alarming rates. To add insult to injury, these same students now have to navigate all of this while isolated and physically alone due to precautions related to COVID-19.

While there’s not a lot that students can do about the measures that universities and colleges are taking in response to this pandemic, there are things they can do to help them feel less lonely. It is important to be solution-focused (e.g., “what can I do for myself today?”, “what will be helpful for me?”) versus problem-focused (e.g., “This isn’t fair”, “I hate this”). Solution-focused helps us feel more empowered and hopeful about our current and future situations.

Some ways to combat loneliness during this tremendously difficult time are:

Radical Acceptance: This involves not APPROVING or liking what’s happening but rather accepting that we cannot change the present facts, even if we do not like them. Allow yourself to feel sad, angry, and/or anxious whenever you feel these things, but the key is not too long. Set a timer for 20 minutes if you have to. When the timer goes off, remind yourself that life is worth living even when there is pain and then ask yourself, “what is a healthy or productive way for me to distract from my pain?”.

Normalize Emotions: There is a term in a therapy called “universality”; it identifies how being part of a group of people with the same experiences helps us see that we are not alone, which helps us feel more connected to others. The realization that your pain is not exclusive or unique can be profoundly healing, which helps people move beyond their isolation, and gives further energy to hope, which then helps fuel the process of change.

Virtual Dates: Remember, most of your peers can relate to what you’re going through and are going through their own stuff. Additionally, your support systems (e.g., parents, extended family, friends, professors) are fully aware and sympathetic to your situation. Set up dates and times to virtually hang out or study with your friends, have dinners with your family, and/or discuss class topics and questions with your professors. Schedule these as appointments in your calendar and stick to them. A key component in all of this is to STAY CONNECTED.

Keep Ears & Eyes Open: It’s a safe assumption that your school and professor are fully aware of the isolation you are experiencing and, thus, the impacts of it. Chances are these same schools, and professors offer suggestions on activities. When your professor suggests you check out an online book fair, virtual art gallery opening, musical debut of a new band, or take advantage of virtual office hours, DO IT. Even if it feels forced, find different things to vary your days; you might even be surprised by how impactful these activities can be.

Join a Community: Meeting new people and connecting with others may help you feel less lonely and more capable of moving forward. There are many options to connect with others, whether finding an online fitness community, volunteering for a cause, book clubs, support groups, etc., opportunities are plentiful. Check your college organizations and events pages. Websites like Volunteer Match or MeetUp can also be good places to start.

Try Something New: You might find that you have extra time on your hands; seems like a great opportunity to try a new skill, hobby, or activity; what sounds like fun, or what have you always wanted to try? A second language? Chess? Yoga? Cooking? Knitting? Guitar? Jogging? Writing? Reading? Crosswords? Baking?Painting? Graphic design? Meditation? Sewing? Therapy? There are endless possibilities, so find something that piques your interest.

Get Outside:  Find a nature walk or bike path, or even walk or sit somewhere around campus (if allowed). Research suggests the more time you spend outside in nature, the lower level levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. Interacting with natural spaces offers many therapeutic benefits for various reasons. For example, the calming sounds of nature and the quiet of the outdoors can lower blood pressure and the level of the “stress” hormone cortisol. Another example is how the visual aspects of nature can be soothing since the pleasant visuals of trees, greenery, and surrounding nature can help distract our minds from negative thinking.

Focus on Self-Care: Instead of focusing on everything you can’t do, try identifying everything you CAN DO for yourself. Things like getting ample sleep, eating a healthy and well-balanced diet, vigorous exercise, mindfulness, and good hygiene are all proponents of self-care; let’s be honest, though, in the “normal” hustle and bustle of a busy college student, these things often fall to the wayside. Put yourself on a “taking care of me” regiment and structure your days so you can focus on these various proponents; doing so will help you shift your mindset from the things you can’t control to the things you can.

Make no mistake, these are extremely trying and difficult times. Do what you can to take care of yourself and reach out for support when struggling. There is no shame in asking for help; it takes a brave and strong person to identify when they need more help; self-awareness is beautiful.

Additional resources that may be helpful are:

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides 24/7 support when someone needs support and is in crisis. 800-273-TALK (8255)
• HalfofUs can help you begin addressing loneliness or any mental health issues you’re struggling with
• TheLoneyHour, is a podcast in which people can open up about their struggles with loneliness and isolation; it can be helpful to hear that we are not alone in these feelings and hear ways to cope with these feelings.
• DailyStrengths connects people with common issues who are looking for support.
• JedFoundation focuses on helping young adults overcome childhood to adulthood challenges.
• MyMove.com – For international students, adjusting to a new college, let alone a new country can be complicated. Here you can find a resource filled with information about choosing the right college, getting financial aid and scholarships, and all the documents you will need to make for a smooth transition.

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Dr. Christina Atti is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and has a private practice in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. She works closely with college students and enjoys helping them find their unique way in this complex world. You can contact her: at DrAtti.com or DrChristinaAtti@gmail.com, 954-320-0173.